I just finished the book, "The Penny" by Joyce Meyer's. A heartbreaking, yet breathtaking story about her childhood with her abusive father and her mother who never stood up to him. 15 years of being sexually, physically, verbally, and mentally abused and now a teacher and preacher of the gospel. Finding one little penny on the street at the age of 14, caused a chain of events, which led her to a a jewelry store owner (who was also abused by her mother as a child and was the first person Joyce told about her abuse) she hired her part-time and was often Joyce's escape. The penny led her to her friends home (whom she wasn't suppose to be friends with because of her being African American) and Joyce became close to her and her family. The penny led her to their African American church (where Joyce accepted the Lord as her personal Saviour and learned who God was).
Throughout all of this time, Joyce's father was abusing her and her older sister, and then her older sister moved away when she turned 17 and Joyce had to endure all of the abuse. Alot of things that she went through, I can relate to. Not my father, but others. Sometimes, they would drive to a cemetery and park the car. "He liked cemeteries" she said. They were remote and private, there were a couple of my abusers who liked the same. Her father saw nothing wrong with what he did, she said. In his family, he told her, "everybody did it, and that's just the way it was." I have heard that so many times by so many people. Joyce's mother walks into her house and catches her father sexually abusing her she then walks back out and returns two hours later acting as if she had never been there. (Reading this was like deja vu, because my mother had witnessed and knew about my abuse, from most of the men, and never done anything to protect me, and in return she benefited from it)
Joyce has spoken in the past about the sexual abuse she endured as a child and young teen, she has never previously identified her father as the perpetrator. She still does not use his name in public and does not release her maiden name to protect him.The abuse ended when she left home, and she went on to found a ministry that now reaches millions through broadcasts, books and conferences. Married with four children, she forgave her father for his actions. But two years ago, while he lay sick in a hospital, he told her: "Joyce, I am sorry you feel I hurt you. But I still don't understand what was so bad about what I did." Meyer said she left the hospital feeling very sad, not knowing if he would live through the night and sure that he did not know God.
She said that God told her to move her father closer to her home and take care of him. It was a difficult act of obedience, but she complied and tried to show him her love. She bought clothes and food, and ensured all his basic needs were met. During one visit he told her: "I am sorry for what I did to you. I have wanted to say this to you for a long time, but I didn't have the guts." He apologized toJoyce and her husband, Dave, and asked them to forgive him. Joyce knelt beside her father and joined him in praying to receive Christ.
When she visited a few days later, Joyce's mother said that her father had been doubting his salvation. Joyce encouraged him from the Bible, after which he asked her to baptize him, and she did.
While, I find this book very heartbreaking, heartwrenching, and difficult to take in, Joyce endured so much abuse and yet she still forgives her father, and still visits him in the nursing home where he lives. Still to this day, Joyce has that same exact penny that changed her life.
I am trying to understand the reason in forgiving, and what it means and can do. It just seems so much harder to me for some reason. I can't grasp it. I have more than just my father to forgive, there are so many of them that I'm not sure I can. Unlike Joyce, I don't think I will ever be able to forgive my mother!! It's going to take some time and I'm not sure what else before I can even think about forgiving those men for what they done to me. I wish it was easier, I wish I could think and be like Joyce, but I can't. For me, it's just not that easy!!
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